there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
