Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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