Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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