I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your cock deserves a montage
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
