Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
