RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
