covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
