last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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