i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
