I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
