I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
