oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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