Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
