dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
