i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize