When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
