Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
