i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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