First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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