You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
