i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have demons in me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
