is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
