My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is the high leading the old right now
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
