there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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