I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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