Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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