Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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