and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
