A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
thus making me awesome and them whores
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
