Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
