this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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