I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My ass is underappreciated
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
