I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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