my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
