2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
