i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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