Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
