I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
