I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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