you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
