another moral hangover. fuck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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