i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All the doctor said was why
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
