He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
