Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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