I smell stomach acid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
