I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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