apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
