I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
