I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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