Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
