i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
