Define "chronic" masturbator.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
