Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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