i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
