just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
