you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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