Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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