Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My nipple is on Facebook.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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