I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
