Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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