In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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