Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
