Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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