Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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