Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
