hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize