Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
