Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
