it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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