So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize